Say NO to Women abuse!!

Sometimes a month back, one Mrs Ifeyinwa Angbo made a video showing her bloodied face, recounting how her husband, Pius, a staff of Channels TV had been cheating on her and unleashing violence on her for six years.

This elicited an outrage on social media that forced even Channels news TV to make a statement about it.

But to my surprise, this evening, Governor Ortom and some others in the background who had this vacuous grin on their faces like hypnotized people said they've "reconciled" both of them.

I actually have a problem with that term "reconciled," because it presupposes that both of them were estranged lovers who needed a politician to restore peace in their home. Reconciling a batterer to his victim and making them hug each other in public is one of the most dim witted and cruel feats I've seen in quite a while.

I know some people will defend this (heck, even Boko Haram have their defenders) with quotes like, "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder." But that is a misuse of the Bible, because you've not yet demonstrated that it was God who joined a tiger to a rabbit in marriage.

I don't know what concept of God you have, but I don't believe in a God that ordains that husbands reset their wives' brains with fists. You can blame the victim for being abused or dismiss her cry as a "feminist sympathy," all you like, but at least leave God out of your foolishness.

Some people were actually attacking her for living with an abuser for that long or for making a video at all to cry for help.

Well, if you understood how many women are trapped by our socio-cultural expectations, lack of economic empowerment, legal infrastructures and religious teachings which fail to protect and dignify them, you'll understand why many of them have accepted abuse as inevitable and stay with batterers, even to the point of death, sometimes.

If your outrage about the public awareness of a wrong is greater than the action itself, then you obviously lack a moral compass. It means, you're also capable of that misdeed, and you'd rather the action remains buried deep in a rat's nest.

One thing I'm certain of is that, Mrs Angbo's story and that dubious "reconciliation" is not strange to us because we've seen it play out in several of our movie plots and even in reality.

One US-based Nigerian scholar who teaches Yoruba and Africana courses said she wanted to show her students some selections of Yoruba movies for them to have an idea of our theatrical performances.

But after watching these movies herself, she changed her mind before she saw their endings. Why? Too much violence on women were depicted in these stories. It would be counter-productive to show her oyinbo students such cringe-worthy normalization and rationalization of gender-based violence.

And we've got used to these things because we are in a society that minimizes and indirectly upholds them.

I've personally witnessed instances of domestic violence. I've seen husbands flog their wives (including a pregnant one) like cattle. I've seen a husband and wife that would fight so much until they strip each other naked that neighbours who came to settle the fight will start to blush like horny teenagers exposed to porn.

We used to have this man living in a BQ years ago, who after beating his wife (and mother of two kids) outside like a sack of cassava, would then take her inside for sex.

Don't ask me how I knew.

Yet she stayed because of what people would say, and besides, folks with "the ministry of reconciliation," who themselves are enduring hellish marriages, would troop there and advice her to stay and be obedient because women have the intrinsic abilities to change a man. That's a lie and we know it. A batterer is a batterer.

If he can beat you over his side chick, he can also punch you for not helping him flush the toilet.

And from the sad looks of Mrs Angbo with the blood still visible on her face, you can tell that she's in for another session. The law failed her. That politician failed her. I pray she lives to escape from that prison with those children.

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